Little Red Riding Hood Ah! My Goddess Style
by kawaiibunny3
Summary: Everyones favorite fairy tales gone wrong thanks to our favorite Goddesses (and demon) CHAPTER 3 UP!
1. Annoying Story 1Little Red Riding Skuld

Little Red Riding Hood  
(AH! My Goddess Style!)  
Urd (as the Narrator): Once there was a little girl who always wore a red  
hood so they started to call her Little Red Riding Hood!  
Skuld: *in a red hood* why am I the little girl? I'm not some stupid little  
kid who dances around wearing hoods ya know!  
Urd: *trying hard not to laugh* Because I didn't want to wear it.Anyway,  
She was going to her sick grandmother to give her some cookies that her  
mother made with some tea.  
Belldandy: Have a nice trip Little Red Riding Hood! And remember not to  
stray from the path and be careful of the Big Bad Wolf! Be safe!  
Skuld: Belldandy's my mother? Don't tell me Keiichi's my father!  
Urd: He could be, but that's a different story. Now skip to grandmothers  
house!  
Skuld why would I wanna skip when I could use this! BANPEI SUPER BIKE MARK  
1!  
Urd: fine, do whatever you want. *sigh* Riding Hood got on her robot bike  
thingy and started to ride to grandmother's house. But little did Hood  
know, the big bad wolf was lurking about in the woods.  
Mara: *in a wolf costume* Boy this is stupid.  
Urd: *really trying not to die of laughter* Mara, you look like a bear that  
died on the side of the road! *breaks into laughter*  
Mara: HEY!!! Shut-up!  
Urd: *holding her sides* sorry, sorry.just start lurking behind Skuld.  
Mara: *steps out in front of Skuld and growls*  
Skuld: *unenthusiasticly* oh no.help, a wolf.  
Mara: No, I'm no wolf! I'm just a harmless old bum who lives in these  
woods. Where are you going little girl  
Skuld: Like I'd tell some bum  
Mara: Little brat.TELL ME WHERE YOU'RE GOING!!!  
Skuld: to my grandmother's house  
Mara: there's a lovely little wildflower patch right over there! Why don't  
you go pick some? I'd bet your grandmother would like some  
Skuld: My grandmother only likes roses, she's allergic to anything else.  
Last time I checked, roses aren't wild flowers!  
Mara: How convieniant! There's a rose shop right next to the flower patch  
and a hardware store!  
Skuld: A HARDWARE STORE! Okay! Come on Banpei let's go to the store to get  
you a new engine!  
Urd: As Hood rode over to the hardware store, The big bad wolf slinks away  
to the grandmother's house  
(At Granny's House)  
Peorth: I'M NOT SOME GRANNY!!!!! I'M PEORTH!!! GODDESS FIRST CLASS!!!!  
Urd: we really couldn't find anyone else for the part, just go along with  
it  
Peorth: *hmpf* okay fine.I can show the audience what a wonderful actress I  
am!  
Urd: sure, what ever.  
*someone knocks on the door*  
Peorth: *in an old lady voice* who is it?  
Mara: *forgot Skuld's name* uh, um.vacuum salesman!!!  
Peorth: *opens the door and whacks Mara on the head with a lawn chair* take  
that!!! I defeated the door to door salesman! I shall go down in history  
for this!!!  
Mara: *a giant lump grows on her head* You're not supposed to hit me!  
*whacks Peorth with a giant mallet*  
Urd: *sweatdrop* um.actually, you're supposed to eat her.  
Mara: ew. why the hell would I wanna eat her?! I don't want that thing  
running through my digestive system!  
Urd: you could always do what the little kid shows do, lock her in a broom  
closet  
Mara: fine with me *takes Peorth and throws her in a closet* Now to slip  
into the bed and wait for miss what's-her-name  
(minutes later)  
Skuld: Hello grandmother!  
Mara: Hellloooo liitttttlllleeee girllll  
Skuld: I brought you some cookies and roses and some breaker fluid!  
Mara: oh you're sooooo sweetttt, come closerrrrr  
Skuld: My grandma, what curly blonde hair you have.  
Mara: all the better to um....hmmm..*to Urd* what do we do with hair again?  
Urd: just cut to the eating part, no one'll ever notice.  
Mara: ALL THE BETTER TO EAT YOU WITH!!  
Skuld: AHHH! MARA!!! BANPEI, ATTACK!!!  
Banpei: *shoots Mara in the face with a plastic missle and Mara collapses  
on the floor*  
(Minutes later)  
Keiichi: Hello? I heard Banpei's missles, is everything okay? It says in  
the script I'm supposed to save you from a wolf?  
Skuld: Oh hi Kei! No, I'm fine. Peorth's still in the closet though.  
Mara: *foaming at the mouth with dizzy eyes*  
Keiichi: Oh, okay! Just thought I would check, bye now!  
Skuld: Bye Kei!  
Urd: And so Little Red Ridding Hood defeated the big bad wolf and ate  
granny's cookies while she repaired Banpei's engine. As for the  
woodsman(Keiichi) and Belldandy, they met and soon got married!  
Skuld: NOOOOO!!!!! Keiichi's my father!!!! I knew it!  
Peorth: Can I come out now? It's really dusty in here, I think I will buy  
Mara's vacuum  
Mara: *still passed out*  
THE END 


	2. The Three Little PigGoddesses

The Three Little Pigs  
(Ah! My Goddess Style)  
Peorth (as narrator): hohoho, I am now the narrator! No longer am I stuck  
in a closet! *ahem* once there was a mother pig.  
Keiichi: father pig.  
Peorth: right, father pig, had three little pig daughters. Urd, Skuld, and  
Belldandy  
Keiichi:...this is so wrong  
Peorth: he was letting them go out into the world and gave them some money  
to go buy a house  
Keiichi: Bye, have fun living on your own!  
Belldandy: Bye Keiichi dear, whoops, I mean daddy!  
Keiichi: don't call me that.  
Urd: *all three of them are in piggy outfits* why are we doing this again?  
Skuld: beats me.  
Belldandy: alright everyone, I wish you luck on building a house, goodbye!  
*the three all separate*  
  
Later.  
Tamiya: Straw here! Come buy my straw!  
Urd: Straw.that's a stupid thing to build a house out of.  
Tamiya: and if you buy it now, I'll throw in a nice TV and a bottle of Sake  
Urd: RIGHT HERE!!! I'LL TAKE SOME!!! *hands him the money*  
Tamiya: thanks for doing business with ya' *gives Urd straw, a tv and some  
sake*  
Urd: thank you! Now, what do I do with all this straw? *looks around*  
there's an empty field! *drops the straw on the ground and watches tv while  
drinking her sake*  
Mara: *in a wolf costume* why am I always the wolf?  
Peorth: cause you're the antagonist in the show and no one else likes that  
costume  
Mara: do you think I do?! Come down here and switch with me!  
Peorth: No, I'm quite fine here thanks!  
Mara: damn goddesses.*walks up to Urd* Little Pig, little pig.  
Urd: go away, Gundam Wing's on, come back later and eat me.  
Mara: I just wanna blow your house down, not eat you!  
Urd: I'm not using it, go ahead, blow on it all you want  
Mara: oh you're no fun.I'm going to tear down your sister's house.*walks  
off*  
Urd: have fun.  
Meanwhile.  
Skuld: now what am I gonna build my house out of?  
Otaki: Sticks here! Buy some sticks!  
Skuld: what are you doing selling sticks for? We're in the middle of the  
woods here, we're surrounded by sticks.  
Otaki: I've also got some good sheet metal, it's great for building houses  
Skuld: okay! *hands him the money and walks off with her metal* I'll build  
it here! *after a few seconds, builds her house* Presenting SKULD'S HOUSE  
MODEL 1!!!  
Mara: *walks up to Skuld* little pig, little pig, let me in.  
Skuld: not by the hairs on my.*looks down at chin* oh, that's right,  
there's no hair on my chin..well, you can't come in anyway! *slams door*  
Mara: Then I'll huff, and puff and blow your house down!  
Skuld: This metal's five times thicker that steel, I'd like to see you try.  
*lays down on the ground and takes a nap*  
Mara: Alright then I will!!! *blows* how come it's not working?  
Peorth: didn't you just hear the girl, she just finished saying it's really  
thick stupid!  
Mara: nuts to this, I'm going to see the last little pig goddess.  
Meanwhile.  
Sora: Miss, would you like to buy some bricks?  
Belldandy: why yes, thank you for asking! *hands her the money and walks  
off with her bricks* Now I can finally build a nice house where me and  
Keiichi can live happily ever after!  
Peorth: Keiichi's your dad in this remember?  
Belldandy: oh yeah.sorry *starts building her house out of the bricks*  
lalala.building my little house lalalala.  
Mara: doesn't she know it takes about a week to build a brick house?  
Belldandy: oh really? I was almost done, but I'll go slower if that's how  
long it's supposed to take  
Mara: no, wait! Stop!  
*one week later*  
Belldandy: alright, I'm ready for you now miss bad wolf!  
Mara: little pig, let me in.  
Belldandy: okay *opens door* I just made some tea, would you like a cup?  
Mara: okay *drinks tea with Belldandy*  
Peorth: and so Belldandy and Mara lived happily ever-  
Mara: wait a minute! That's not how it's supposed to end! I'm supposed to  
be boiling in a raging hot pot of water sizzling over a fire!  
Belldandy: Oh? Well then I'll fix it, even though the original script  
didn't call for it  
Mara: what.?  
Belldandy: *takes out a giant pot and puts it over a sizzling fire while  
poring water into it* It should be "raging hot" in a few moments! *picks up  
Mara and puts her in the pot* Just wait patiently!  
Peorth: and so Mara finally got her wish to be in a hot pot of water.  
Mara: I DIDN'T WISH FOR THIS!!!  
Peorth: As for Skuld and Urd, they lived happily in their little houses and  
Keiichi finally had some freedom away from Belldandy, now I can live with  
him. hehehehehe.  
Mara: *still in the pot* HELLO!!! AREN'T YOU FORGETTING SOMEONE!  
THE END 


	3. Snow Bell!

Snow White  
(Ah! My Goddess Style!)  
Mara: (as narrator) finally! I'm getting the respect I so rightfully  
deserve! First I will destroy the goddesses...  
a skuld bomb comes out of the sky and blows up Mara  
Mara: on second thought, I'll just narrate this story...ahem Once there was  
a beautiful girl that all the people in the land adored, her name was Snow  
Bell. She had skin as white as snow (wouldn't that make her an albino?) and  
hair as black as ebony (ok, technically it's light brown but I wont tell if  
you wont) and she had a lovely singing voice.  
Belldandy: in a black haired wig with tons of white powder on her face  
Lalalala....  
many birds surround her  
Mara: But Snow Bell had an evil stepmother queen thingy rolls eyes oh how  
original...she was very vain and a narcissist at that  
Peorth: Oh how beautiful I am...no one is as beautiful as me!!!! Mirror  
mirror on the wall, who is the most beautiful goddess of them all?  
Urd: (as the mirror) do you want me to answer you honestly or do you just  
want to hear what ya wanna hear...  
Peorth: oh, let's go for a change, answer me honestly!  
Urd: I've been waiting so long to tell you this....you're an ugly witch and  
you're husband commited suicide because you're so ugly, frankly every girl  
is prettier than you, and you're no match compared to Snow Bell. That's why  
the geeky prince from far far away wont marry you...  
(note from author: cough-cough she means Keiichi cough-cough)  
Peorth: grr...holds her fist up to the mirror  
Urd: nervously breaking mirrors is bad luck, it's bad luck, bad luck, bad  
luck!!!  
Peorth:puts her fist down you're right, there must be an easier way to  
destroy Snow Bell.........EVIL HUTSMAN, Come Here!  
Tamiya: yes mistress.....  
Peorth: I want you to go and destroy Snow Bell, and bring back her heart as  
proof that you've done the job  
Tamiya: why would you want to look at a heart? That's nasty...  
Peorth: look, that's just what the script says. Just go out and get it over  
with.  
Tamiya: yes mistress...fades into the darkness  
the scene suddenly changes to a pretty field of flowers with Belldandy and  
Tamiya frolicking in the flowers together  
Belldandy: thank you for bringing me here Mr. Tamiya. I just love wild  
flowers!  
Tamiya: comes up from behind Belldandy with a rubber knife   
Belldandy: turns around Mr. Tamiya, what are you doing?  
Tamiya: I'm sorry, your stepmother told me to kill you. Run, run into the  
forest and never come back!!!  
Belldandy: okay runs into the forest until she finds a cute little house  
in the woods Oh my, how cute, I wonder who lives here? she opens the  
door and finds seven chibi Skulds doing several things  
Happy-Skuld: hello! We're the seven Skulds, welcome to our home!  
Grumpy-Skuld: What do ya' want!? We're busy!!  
Doc-Skuld: now now Grumpy, we have to be kind to our visitor  
Sleepy-Skuld: snoring  
Sneezy-Skuld: sneezes get her out, I think I'm allergic to her...  
Bashful-Skuld:........I honestly don't know what to say here....  
Doppy-Skuld: duh....drool  
Belldandy: oh my, I didn't mean to barge in on you. My evil stepmother is  
chasing after me, she's planning to kill me!  
All Skulds: oh no, that's terrible! Come inside! they all surround her and  
put her in a nice soft bed to sleep in  
Belldandy: thank you, I don't know what to say really  
Doc-Skuld: oh that's okay. Just sleep  
Grumpy: we need some excuse to change the scene  
Belldandy: alright instantly snores  
Sleepy: hey! She took my job! Why I aught to--falls asleep  
Mara: holds up a sign that says "meanwhile"  
Peorth: HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO! I'm now the most beautiful queen in the land!  
Sayoko: No, I am!  
Peorth: Get out of here Sayoko!  
Sayoko: No! I'm the only one referred to a queen in this series  
Peorth: Not anymore! flicks Sayoko away like the bug she has now become  
Tamiya: ahem...Miss Peorth, I have killed Snow Bell for you. Here is her  
heart hands Peorth a box  
Peorth: opens up the box and finds a heart shaped valentine what the hell  
is this? I said get her heart!  
Tamiya: looks nervous o...of course it's her heart, see all the frills and  
stuff?  
Peorth: throws the box at Tamiya's head If you couldn't bring yourself to  
kill her atleast kill a pig or something and take its heart!  
Tamiya: well ya see...funny thing happened on the way here...I killed a pig and  
on the way I got hungry so I cooked and ate the thing. There wasn't another  
animal for miles but there was a convenient valentine card store so I  
thought...  
Peorth: NEVER MIND! I'll deal with this myself! goes over to the mirror  
Mirror Mirror--!  
Urd's Voice: The mirror of the house has gone to the day spa...please leave a  
message after the beep!  
Peorth: Urd!  
beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep  
Peorth: Urd! I know you're in there! Get out here!  
Urd: with face cream and those silly cucumbers on her eyes yeah, yeah,  
what is it?  
Peorth: where is Snow Bell, tell me where she is!  
Urd: She's in a cottage with 7 little Skulds, happy?  
Peorth: much, thanks! runs off to start plotting  
comes back later with an apple  
Peorth: I'll kill her with HEALTHY FOOD!!!! a giant scream of terror is  
heard throughout the castle  
Urd: rolls eyes oh you're so evil my queen  
Peorth: I know, aren't I? runs off to kill Snow Bell  
Mara: Meanwhile  
Belldandy: Oh, that was a wonderful nap!  
Bashful-Skuld: .....I still don't know what to say...  
Doc-Skuld: We're going to work now Snow Bell, please stay inside and don't  
let any suspicious women in.  
Grumpy-Skuld: Yeah, that's how we got you in the first place  
Belldandy: Alright! Have a nice time!  
The seven Skulds exit and Belldandy stares at the ceiling bored out of her  
mind  
Belldandy: I think I'll clean the house! starts cleaning  
lalalalalalalalalalalalalala!  
Peorth (In Beggars outfit): Oh dear, you have such a lovely singing voice!  
Belldandy: thank you!  
Peorth: I have some apples here, would you like some?  
Belldandy: No thank you continues cleaning  
Peorth: No, I insist  
Belldandy: I don't eat apples, sorry.  
Peorth: hold on...comes back with Apple Tea  
Belldandy: oh my, is that apple tea?  
Peorth: the one and only! Want some?  
Belldandy: I really shouldn't but...oh if I must chugs the apple tea and  
faints  
Peorth: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Now I'm the prettiest goddess in all the land!  
Sneezy-Skuld: hiding behind a tree Oh no! sneeze Miss Snow sneeze  
Bell is dead! sneeze I have to warn the sneeze others  
Peorth: Where is that sneezing coming from  
Sneezy-Skuld: behind a tree oh just us trees, you know how we just love  
to sneeze all day  
Peorth: funny, we never had sneezing trees back at the palace.  
Sneezy: Uh.. well you're not in the palace now are you  
Peorth: ok, well you're still a witness brings out a chainsaw time for a  
little trim chops down the tree revealing Sneezy  
Sneezy: uh.. EAT FURRY WOODLAND CREATURE! throws a squirrel at Peorth's  
face and runs off  
Peorth: ACK! Get off me! You're ruining my perfectly squirrel-free face!  
throws the squirrel on the ground come back here you midget!  
Sneezy: catches up with Doppy-Skuld Doppy! Thank god I found you!  
Doppy: who are you? duh.....  
Sneezy: ....Never mind tosses Doppy-skuld aside and continues to run  
Doc: What's wrong Sneezy?  
Sneezy: Snow Bell! The evil queen sneeze got her. She died!  
Bashful: Oh no! We've got to get our secret wepon  
Happy: You don't mean---?  
Grumpy: Yes, it's the-  
Sleepy: THE SEVEN MINI-BANPEIS! seven short mini Banpei models in elf hats  
appear in front of the Skulds  
Happy: ATTACK MINI-BANPEI!!!!!! BANPEI MISSLES!!!!!  
Peorth: oh crap...Several missles blow up Peorth and she goes flying  
Doc: Thank god she's gone.  
Sneezy: Come on, we've got to get to Snow Bell before it's too late.  
Mara: And so the seven Skulds rushed to their house to help Snow Bell, but  
it was too late. She was dead (in Mara's mind:YAY!!!!) So the seven Skulds  
put her in a glass case so they could bury her but right as they were  
having the funeral...  
Grumpy: okay, let's toss her in!  
Keiichi: excuse me! I got lost in the woods looking for Snow Bell, this is  
the right place...right?  
Happy: yeah...why do you wanna know?  
Keiichi: well, I'm supposed to wake the "sleeping princess" er...something  
blush with a k...ki...kiss  
all skulds huddle  
Grumpy: This is Snow Bell's prince charming? This dork? I dunno about this  
Bashful: I know I wouldn't want to be kissed by this loser.  
Sleepy: plus no one wants to read about a kissy scene...  
Doc: pops up sorry sir, you want the Snow Bell two forests over.  
Keiichi: well...okay, bye!  
Mara: and so, Belldandy remained dead, Keiichi went far far away thanks to  
the Skulds, Peorth died in a ditch somewhere, and Urd finished her date at  
the day spa. And the Seven Chibi Skulds lived happily ever! sniff I love  
this story!  
THE END  
No Belldandys or Peorths were hurt in the making of this fanfiction. 


End file.
